brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
