My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
