We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
