to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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