I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
