If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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