at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
