My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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