My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
