I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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