I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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