I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize