Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Randomize
