Just fell off a train. Bad.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
