Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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