Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
