That's when you crack a 10am beer
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
