uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
its not stalking. its research.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
