I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
