Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
What a dumb baby whore.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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