That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
