Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize