My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
