is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
