She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
