Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
