peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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