Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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