Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just high enough for therapy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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