oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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