I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
