if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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