Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
