Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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