i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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