You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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