There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
