cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize