i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
