Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
