I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
