I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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