yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
