I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
