Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
