its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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