I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize