You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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