I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
