the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
