This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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