At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
