Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
