Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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