I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize