mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
