so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
