I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
