I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
