i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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