i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
