I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
