We're like a lot better than the average bears
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
