just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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