In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
