No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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