kristin has been a bad kristin
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
