my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
