Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
