Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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