I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
