I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
