i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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