You were right. It hurts to walk today.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
