haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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