we're blogging at a bar
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
