This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
