Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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