Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize