Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
