I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
