The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
