My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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