What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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