Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
