I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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