you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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