Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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