Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize