Sober January is a disaster.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
