I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
