alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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