Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
