Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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