The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i need some magic done to my vagina
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
