Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize