His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
