On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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