I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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