Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
