he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
try to milk me bitch
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