I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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