So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
two words: eviction party
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
