Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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