Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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