mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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