Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
