What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
