what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
