Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
