And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
