so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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